First of all, people don’t change because their personality forms since birth and their character – at the conception stage at all, as the part of genetic information inherited from parents. Psychologists believe that two main personality forming peaks happen during junior preschool and adolescence. Later on, only strong stress may lead to serious changes – it may cause global reconsideration of motives and life values. Mentality and traditions should also be taken into account as something special: they are nearly impossible to change.
Moreover, the inner perception of surrounding reality is practically unshakeable, and that is exactly where the root of most troubles is. It’s not so difficult to put up with socks scattered everywhere. But the lack of attention, warmth, and respect are way more difficult to deal with, even if you met each other at a free online dating site for people over 50. Extremely rational men often cannot really accept the opinion of a woman driven by emotions.
Though, men themselves share more optimistic viewpoint and believe that changes are possible – but only if they happen for love, not because of it. That is, when the lover is not a reason, but rather a stimulus.
But really, are men able to change?
In the opinion of many psychologists and physiologists, women are more adaptive in general. From the very beginning, they are taught to be soft, gentle, and compliant. Woman’s body is ready for serious changes it will encounter during pregnancy. Gradually, women’s ability to change is transferred to a psychological sphere. So, we have women, ready for the extremities in order to preserve the relationships but at the same time taking this position: “If I can, then you can too”. But for a man to lose ground on a personal front is equal to defeat, which a born fighter would find rather painful to admit. They could be even physically unable to go through changes demanded by women.
Hence the conclusion: if you try to change a man, he will resist but most likely will response positively to adequate request, given not like an order.
But frankly speaking, often we don’t actually want our partners to change even most disgusting of their habits, even if we state the contrary. Why – this is the question for a psychotherapist in each individual case.
Hollywood actress Barbara Streisand, known for her extreme unwillingness to change and adapt to the cinema standards, said at some point: “Why a woman tries to change her husband’s habits for ten years, then complains that he is not the person she married?” So, be reasonable with your wishes and enjoy your happy relationship.